Taming Your Worry Gremlin

Thursday, November 5, 2009 / Autoimmune Disease, Blog, Chronic Illness

I am up early this morning and aware of the “worry” on my mind. Rather than drift peacefully back to sleep which is what I would choose, I can feel myself pondering the topics ruminating in my thoughts. Did our new grandson finally poop after one full week of not going despite being breastfed? How did our young grandson and daughter in law sleep after having their flu vaccine yesterday? How will my conversation go this afternoon with an organization committed to helping families with autism?

I am surprised by my wakefulness as none of these topics seem logically to be a big issue for me. What about you – what topics are playing out in your thoughts that are making rest a little more difficult than you would like?

As I thought about my predicament, I decided to do something productive about it. I learned long ago that “worry” is best managed first by doing something concrete to find a practical answer to the question on my mind. So, I searched the internet for information and discovered that breastfed babies often poop infrequently and, as long as they aren’t in pain, they are fine. Great – something I already knew but needed a reminder. I then remembered my suggestion to our daughter in law that she and our grandson take Tylenol just in case the vaccination gives them some symptoms and makes sleep more difficult – something she really can’t afford with a newborn! I then thought about my meeting this afternoon and how privileged I am to look forward to spending some time with people committed to supporting families facing challenges – a passion of mine.

So, after a few minutes of thought and research on the internet, I let go of my worries. Finding some type of concrete action or forward moving plan seemed to take the energy out of the issues and allow me to trust that all will be well. It also allows me to trust that if a challenge does appear, I have loads of options at my disposal to find an answer.

It is true, however, that when the “worry” feels very large such as a new diagnosis of autism for our child, a diagnosis of a serious or chronic illness in a family member, or the fear of losing our job, moving past worry is infinitely more difficult. When we are in the midst of a challenging story, fear and worry often loom large in front of us and are difficult to quiet.

So, what can we do when faced with the big worries of life? Here are a few of my thoughts:

1. Take time to notice how much of your “worry” is based in fact and how much is your imagination running ahead of you. Take a piece of paper and write down your thoughts and then read them over to yourself. What is true and what are you allowing yourself to believe is true – there is a big difference. If you have a new diagnosis of a difficult disease, your current symptoms are a challenge but imaging how the story will play out in a year’s time is imagining the unknown.

2. Share your worries with a trusted person who will listen without judgment. Often the outside perspective of someone else can help you find a more balanced and realistic view of your situation. At the very least, sharing the story helps lessen the feeling that you need to go it alone.

3. Do something practical that will help. It might be to search the internet as I did to find some answers. It might be go back to your doctor and ask for clarification and answers to your questions. I might be connecting with others facing similar challenges to learn how they have coped. Whatever you do, do something. Being proactive allows you to regain a sense of control over the situation.

4. Find a way to create joy and balance in your life. Worries have a way of preoccupying the mind and draining energy. You will be amazed how a walk in the sunshine, lunch with a friend, exercise at the gym or even a nap might shift your perspective.

5. Lean into your faith if you have one. You can only do what you can do and then you must learn to let go of the outcome from there. If you can trust that God is watching over you and your situation, simply living for today and letting tomorrow take care of itself will be easier.

6. Give your worry space but only within limits. Worrying thoughts can preoccupy your mind all day long if you let them. Try, instead, to set aside a time for worrying and immerse yourself totally in the experience. Notice how you feel, what you are thinking, how your body feels and anything else that pops up. Truly FEEL the experience and don’t push it away. Our tendency is often to avoid painful situations and to attempt to numb them over with things like food, alcohol, grabbing at friends, or avoiding addressing the situation all together. It is much easier to move past a challenge by allowing yourself to fully experience it first and then go on with your day. I suggest that you set a timer for 15 minutes or so and then be committed to putting the worry aside and carrying on with your life when the timer goes off. Seem like an odd idea – give it try! It really works.

“If I had my life to live over, I might have more actual troubles but I would have fewer imaginary ones.” (Don Harold)

“That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you can not change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent. (Chinese proverb)